A Big Pile Of Shite
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Posted on 22nd Aug at 1:27 PM, with 402 notes
omgbuglen:

hkirkh:

Beautifully eerie gemstone skull

Ooh, they should make a movie about those.

omgbuglen:

hkirkh:

Beautifully eerie gemstone skull

Ooh, they should make a movie about those.

Tagged: #skull, #gems,
Posted on 22nd Aug at 8:03 AM, with 184,528 notes

ofgeography:

so here’s a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!

here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2:

disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing.

sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.

so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i’m starting to feel suspicious?? like it’s really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they’re alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY—

here’s what i did not know about first wives club 2:

  • it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.

so of course i, horrified that i’ve accidentally bought porn on my family’s account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that’s that.

EXCEPT, OF COURSE:

  • you have to pay for pay per view.

so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and i’m sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we’re just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, “okay, there’s something we need to discuss. as a family.”

  • AS A FAMILY.

and i’m like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she’s going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and i’m like: OH NO.

"i received the tv bill today," my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren’t going to feed me this kind of quality starch. "does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?"

as a reminder, a quick table survey:

  • my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)
  • my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)
  • my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)
  • me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography

silence.

my mother said, “i’m not going to ask again.”

silence.

my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.

my mother shook her head and put the bill down. “this was incredibly inappropriate,” she said. “skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. i’m not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?”

  • WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?

"don’t expose my kid to that crap."

  • DON’T
  • EXPOSE
  • MY KID
  • TO THAT CRAP

"if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don’t expect me to pay for it. i can’t believe one of you did that in the living room."

  • I CAN’T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT
  • IN THE LIVING ROOM

but molly, why didn’t you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • i did not want to go to porn prison

the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:

  • my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for
  • my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wife’s sister’s porn preferences
  • my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister’s husband’s porn preferences

but molly, why don’t you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn’t real?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • this is the best thing i’ve ever done
Tagged: #text post,
Posted on 22nd Aug at 7:47 AM, with 10,866 notes
chxckles:

END OF ANACONDA
thats is. this is the crossover of the century. we’ve done it everyone
View high resolution

chxckles:

END OF ANACONDA

thats is. this is the crossover of the century. we’ve done it everyone

Tagged: #nge, #wow,
Posted on 20th Aug at 5:39 PM, with 36,923 notes
The Overwhelming Well Educated Black Man.
View high resolution

The Overwhelming Well Educated Black Man.

Tagged: #names, #supervillain,
Posted on 19th Aug at 7:42 AM, with 105,943 notes

unpretty-princess:

manhatinglesbian:

revolution-of-the-self:

niceandpeaceful:

Please watch the video.

I’m getting scared as fuck to be alive right now.

Fuck

Don’t let it disappear. Not now, not ever.

Posted on 19th Aug at 7:18 AM, with 48,839 notes

iverbz:

gang0fwolves:

" why don’t they use water cannons? "

bitch…

my nigga looked at her like “this white bitch finna make me catch a case on national television”

Posted on 19th Aug at 7:17 AM, with 247,570 notes
eatupmynightmares:

buddh1sm:

thatsgoodweed:

Nothing is illegal in space

Seriously my favorite picture of all time

rule no. 1: always reblog
View high resolution

eatupmynightmares:

buddh1sm:

thatsgoodweed:

Nothing is illegal in space

Seriously my favorite picture of all time

rule no. 1: always reblog

Posted on 19th Aug at 7:14 AM, with 3,274 notes
karaszkun:

This oughta be interesting.
View high resolution

karaszkun:

This oughta be interesting.

Tagged: #OH NO, #tf2, #engineer,
Posted on 19th Aug at 7:13 AM, with 270 notes
simonchungartauction:

Super appealing piece by Fawn Veerasunthorn, story artist at Disney Feature Animation!!! Thank you so much Fawn!
*for Silent Art Auction held August 22 from 6:30pm to 9:00pm @Animation Guild in Burbank, CA*

simonchungartauction:

Super appealing piece by Fawn Veerasunthorn, story artist at Disney Feature Animation!!! Thank you so much Fawn!

*for Silent Art Auction held August 22 from 6:30pm to 9:00pm @Animation Guild in Burbank, CA*

Posted on 19th Aug at 7:13 AM, with 273,594 notes

city-fog-and-brave-dialogue:

ioweyouasoul:

LISTEN UP MOTHER FUCKERS

SEE THIS WEBSITE? 

ITS CALLED WOLFRAM ALPHA

THIS IS THE BEST GODDAMN WEBSITE FOR ACADEMIC SHIT. FUCK GOOGLE. 

THIS MOTHERFUCKER WILL LET YOU SEARCH “HOSPITAL BEDS IN CHAD VS. IRAN” 

image

AND IT GIVES YOU A STRAIGHT GODDAMN ANSWER 

MAYBE YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED IN DOCTORNESS OF THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES COOL SHIT 

HAVING TROUBLE WITH MATH?

image

HOLY SHIT

OR MAYBE YOU WANNA DICK AROUND

image

WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT

reasons why tumblr aids education

Posted on 19th Aug at 7:11 AM, with 180,297 notes

militiamedic:

bootyisagirlsbestfriend:

"go the fuck away im not dealing w ur snake shit today"

… he just slapped a fucking cobra.

Tagged: #gif,
Posted on 17th Aug at 1:04 PM, with 13,811 notes
only good anime is hit british anime wallace and gromit
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